Cookiedough Confessional
by DevDev
Summary: Jubilee actually mourns Angelo and Wolverine helps her move on.


**A/N: **_2.23.04... We love you and miss you._

* * *

Wiping the sweat from her brow, Jubilation Lee, walked through the door leading to her haven. Her body was bathed in sweat, her suit was torn and ripped in many places, her skin tattered and bleeding. Weary teammates trudged in front and behind her, each not talking but caught in their own tired thoughts. Jubilee couldn't even muster a smile.

As they reached their destination, everyone went their separate ways. Someone mumbled about a shower and others grunted their agreement, too tired to speak. Some others just tilted their heads to the warm kitchen, their groaning stomachs giving away their motive. One other, Jubilee, simply wanted to climb into her own warm, comfy bed and make her thoughts and worries disappear. But she knew it wouldn't be as easy as it sounded.

Her thoughts plagued her. They spoke the truth, the ugly words that no one wanted to hear at all. All she wanted to do was silence them; make them go away. But again, she knew it wouldn't be easy at all.

She shut her door and clicked the lock in place. Peeling the sticky, torn costume from her equally torn and sweaty body was the only comfort that she really needed at the time. Flinging it into a corner, she hurriedly threw on a nightshirt and boxers and dove under her excitingly cold covers. She didn't care that she smelt and was dirty, but just lay there soaking up the warmth and cold that radiated from her bed. Her body tingled with the comfort that flooded through her worn body. The battle had taken a toll on all of them.

They had gotten a call from a mysterious female voice calling to them for help. Not wanting the suffering person to suffer any longer than she had already had, the Professor called a meeting and sent them out. They hadn't wanted Jubilee to go, for she had only gotten back a couple of months before and hadn't yet completed her danger room evaluation. But she had insisted, stating that if she could conquer an artificial Wolverine she was as good as anyone if not even more ready. The team protested heavily, expecting her to stay behind as she always had, but she was no longer listening. And with her mind already made, their protests finally died away and she changed into her costume just like the rest of them.

When they arrived at the location, it was obvious that a huge trap had been devised. With no other choice than to fight, they all set about on defeating the enemy. It was rough on everyone, but they all forged through it; each sustaining scrapes and physical blows as they went about doing their business. When a tiny bomb went off, they were all caught by tremendous surprise. No one was expecting it and each dodged the best they could. Unfortunately, Jubilee and Wolverine, fighting side by side as usual, hadn't moved quickly enough and were caught in the backlash of the eruption.

All she remembered was his body crashing onto hers and the deafening screams of the dying enemy. Apparently, they hadn't expected the blast either. Wolverine was screaming into her ear telling her that everything would be fine and he would protect her. She had struggled, wanting him off of her so he wouldn't get the full brunt of it, but her struggle had been to no avail, and his heavy body still weighed her down. She remembered grabbing his hand and squeezing it with everything she had in her drained body and he had squeezed back.

When the rubble stopped falling around them and the cries began to stop, she finally pushed Logan's body off of her own. The team swarmed around her, completely unaware of Logan's grim condition. Insisting that she was just fine, Jean telekinetically lifted Wolverine's bloody body as the team fled. Upon the X-jet, Wolverine had regained conscious and insisted that all he needed was some time to heal. Miraculously, before everyone's eyes, the burns began to disappear and the bleeding stopped. Wolverine was walking out of the X-jet when they arrived, clearly fine and absolutely as normal as when they had left the mansion.

But still, Jubilee was petrified. As she lay in her bed thinking about what could have happened and if she had never gone there in the first place, she began to shiver. Her comforting haven wasn't comforting any more and she decided to pull on a robe over the boxers and nightshirt and go find some ice cream and a companion to joke with.

When she reached the kitchen, her fuzzy slippers flip-flopping against the tile, someone was already hunched over her favorite ice cream. Wolverine. She pulled out a chair silently and sat down, crossing her legs and leaving the slippers on the floor.

"Hi," she spoke cautiously, not knowing what kind of mood he was in or if he was talking to her at all.

"Hi yerself," he responded just as cautiously, if more. He handed her a spoon and shifted the carton towards her. She dug in greedily, savoring the scrumptious taste only cookie dough can bring. They sat in their silence, each shifting the carton after each bite.

"I never knew you liked cookie-dough."

"Yeah… well, it's a bad habit sorta."

They sat together in another segment of silence, neither one really focusing on the ice cream. Before she lost her nerve, Jubilee spit out, "You can't do it anymore."

He looked confused. "Do what? Eat ice-cream?"

Shooting him an irritated look, she continued. "You know what I mean, Logan."

"I really don't know what yer talkin' about, Darlin'."

"You can't protect me anymore. I won't allow it." Crossing her arms across her chest firmly, she took on a new disposition; a disposition that differed from her usually playful self.

"Look at me kid. I'm serious, Jube. Look at me fer a second." She finally raised her head and he was surprised to see her teary eyes staring into his dry ones. "What's really botherin' ya, Jubilee? Ya can tell me."

"_He_ did that! He protected me and now look where he is! He's in a friggen urn for God's sake! An urn! I can't be responsible again… I just can't."

"You listen… and you listen real hard, girl. You had no part in what happened to-"

"Yes I did, Logan," she whispered harshly. "I had everything to deal with him and how he was killed. They came for me. They wanted me. They didn't come for him. They didn't want him. But they took him. No matter how hard I pleaded or begged, they took him. And you know why they took him?"

He could only shake his head and continue to listen to her heartbreaking story.

"Because of me. They took him because he was trying to protect me. If he had just backed off… it would have never happened. I told him to let them take me… I wanted him to leave it be. I knew… I just knew that somehow someway, I'd be okay. But he wouldn't listen.

"And then when they nailed us up on those X's… the pain was so bad, Logan. The pain made us all scream in agony. We all cried for you guys. We thought the X-men would come and everything would be okay, but you never did. When I was fading in and out of consciousness, all I could hear was Ange. He wasn't crying… he wasn't even screaming. He was whispering prayers in Spanish. But I was so mad at him. I was so mad at what he had done for me. I didn't talk to him, I didn't tell him everything I wanted to say. And then I woke again… you were hovering over me… and he was gone.

"So you can't keep on doing it. You can't keep on protecting me. I won't let it happen again, Logan."

"Jube. What Angelo did… is what Angelo did. Ya can't go around blamin' yerself fer somethin' ya couldn't control! There ain't no way in hell that I'm not gonna protect ya. I love ya… and there ain't nothing I'd rather be doin'."

"I don't want you dead too! I don't want to have to fight some crazy anti-mutant guy and have your dead body dug up from the ground! I don't wanna watch the strongest man I know die! Without you, Logan… who am I?"

"Come here, Darlin'." She gratefully got up from her chair and fell into his strong arms. Jubilee breathed in his strong scent and pushed her head onto his warm shoulder. "I know ya miss him, Darlin'."

"Oh Logan! I miss him more than possible. Sometimes I wake up… thinking it never happened; that I'll walk downstairs into this kitchen and he'll smile up at me with syrup running down his face. Sometimes I think if I just don't think of him it will go away. But then… then a picture, or a memory, or… his voice just enters my mind and the pain just comes back worse than before. I'd give anything for one more time with him… one more hug, Wolvie. Just one more hug. That's all I need." Salty tears fell from her eyes and onto his shirt and she clung to him. "And I should have told him I loved him more! I should have… just…"

"Ya can't tell yerself what ya should'a done… or what should'a been said Jube. He knew you loved him. He knew you were sorry. He knows everything. And he loves you right back. And even if that's not enough, he always lives in your heart… he will always be with you, Jube."

"But… it's not the same. I can't ever hug him again. Never again can he wrap his layers around me! He can never make fun of how short I am! He can never call me Jubecita! Never is such a long time. How can I think of him and feel happy when he died too soon?"

"It takes time, Jubes. Time to heal… time to mourn. Give yerself the time ya need!"

"I miss him so much, Logan. So, so much…" She buried her head into his shoulder and started to cry softly again. He only could clutch her tighter.

* * *

"Are ya ready?"

She swallowed and nodded her head softly. Pursing her lips, she reached inside the urn and stood against the wind. Slowly, she unclenched her hand and let the ashes softly fall and drift into the wind. Each and every time the ashes grew smaller and smaller, but her smile grew wider and wider as small tears fell down her face. After the last fistful had been deposited into the wind, she clutched the urn to her chest and set it down softly. She left it cradled in the roots of a big, beautiful willow tree set somewhere on the grounds of the mansion. Flowers were the companions to the marble faced urn. Bright yellow and pink daisies gathered with tissue paper set right next to the urn. Looking down one more time, Jubilee clutched Logan's hand and they made their way back to the mansion.

He wouldn't always be there to protect her. And she knew that. But for right now… he was there. And she would make sure she knew it and let him know she loved him.

end.


End file.
